‘Hodhod’ – – Ay apaw numan

Rejection is painful and can wither our self confidence . We can be rejected  in every aspect of our lives– at work when proposals are not accepted, at school when projects/papers are returned, and of course when we are rejected by someone we like/love. However in this blog, I will talk about what we call ‘hodhod’ (when someone changed his/her mind on a marriage arrangement previously agreed upon by both parties), and it’s consequence.

In my recent blog, I talked about our Kalanguya practice, Kalon. I also mentioned about another type of marriage arrangement which is Tulag. This happens when a woman and a man agreed to be married, or when parents of both parties agreed on having their children be married at a right time. (the arrangement can be done either before the children are conceived, or born, or when they’re all grown up).

Not all marriage arrangements are adhered to. Say, the elders went to the woman’s house for a Kalon and initially the woman said yes to the proposal, but at a later time, she changed her mind, this is one scenario when ‘hodhod’ happens. Another example is when parents of both parties agreed that their children will marry in the future, but either the man or the woman won’t want to marry. Then we say ‘hinodhodan to’ (he/she changed his/her mind and said no, and broke the ‘tulagan’ – – agreement.)

And the same with other laws, or agreements, if broken, there are consequences. In our tradition, the consequence will be to butcher pigs for the community’s consumption. That it will be known to the public that he/she broke the agreement and his/her punishment is to make ammends by having pigs be butchered for ‘watwat’ – – food for everyone (it’s also possible to butcher cows or carabaos, it all depends on what was agreed upon by the parents and community elders as a punishment).

In this times though, it’s rare that we have to attend a ‘kikan’ (feast) due to Hodhod. Actually, I haven’t even witnessed one. This says something about our tribe, that we honor our words. I’m not saying all, but in general. This is because we always say ‘inayan’. (synonymous to karma–we say inayan when we fear that something bad can happen when we do something bad).

Hodhod in marriage arrangements may cause a bad blood between the concerned parties, but not quite, as long as the person who backed out from the agreement will make ammends, eventually, both parties will move on.

We, the Kalanguyas, are proud of who we are. We know that we have flaws and our traditions might be looked down on by others, but we also know that our culture is rich and will always be happy of who we are. Technology may deter us and have our youth try to change and adapt to the lifestyle in the city, but wont forget who we are and where we came from.